National Coming Out Day

I guess you can say that I officially came out in the summer of 1995. I had been home from my mission for two years and I was attending BYU living in off-campus housing. Earlier in the summer I started talking with a guy from AOL, and he kept inviting me to attend to these group meetings that his roommate was holding in Lehi. I was worried about attending, so I kept putting him off.

Towards the end of the summer I was some friends in one of my classes when someone brought up one of our professors that we had all had during the winter semester. I mentioned that I was taking another class from him in the fall and that I loved him. (Meaning, I loved his class. He was an excellent teacher.) Anyhow, the guy got this funny look on his face and then in a real juvenile voice asks: "Oh, you loooooove him, huh?" I rolled my eyes, and everyone in the group laughed. Then he asked: "Haven't any of you seen the Daily Herald article about him???" He explained that they had published an article about him entitled: Gay BYU professor feels at peace." ¡Qué escándolo! As soon as class was over, I RAN to the library to find the article, and there it was...My professor was gay. I couldn't believe it.

A few days later I was talking with my AOL friend, and once again he tried to get me to come to the group meetings at his house. (They were Reconciliation meetings.) He explained that the next meeting was just going to be a BBQ, no pressure. I told him I would go, but I asked him if he happened to know my professor. He said that he did because he came to the meetings sometimes. I immediately decided that I WOULD NOT go. I couldn't have one of my professors know I'm gay!! (This sounds so ridiculous now...) He told me that my professor didn't always come, and that I shouldn't worry about it. I thought about it all week, and the next week I gathered my nerves and made the drive up to Lehi. I found the house and saw a bunch of people in the back yard, but I was still worried about running into my professor. I drove up and down the street a few times, but didn't see his truck. (I forget how I know what he drove, but it was a red truck.) Finally I decided I would drive around the block once more, and if I didn't see his truck, I'd park and go to the BBQ. Well as I finished my last circle, guess what I see coming down the street...that little red truck!!! I drove home right away! I think I made it back to Provo in five minutes! HAHA

The next day I got a call from my professor. He said that he thought he had seen me in Lehi the night before. At first I wanted to die...I was so embarrassed that someone I knew was privy to my big secret. We talked for a while, and he convinced me that I had nothing to worry about, so I started attending the Reconciliation meetings. It was actually great. I got to meet several other students who were going through the same things that I was. As crazy as it sounds, at the time I thought I was the only gay Mormon in the world. I'm sure I'm the only person who ever felt like that, right?

Through those meetings I made a group of friends and we remained close throughout our BYU experience. My last semester a bunch of us moved in together (not together together, just as roommates...those of you with dirty minds! lol). We were one of the "gay houses" at BYU. It was a great period of time. I learned to accept myself and realize that I was not evil and terrible because my "feelings" didn't go away. We hung out together, went clubbing together (before the Lord destroyed The Sun with the SLC tornado of '99), we attended our first Pride parade together, memorized all of the lines from the movie Jeffrey together, all while helping each other crawl out of the closet.

Sadly, as time went on, we all either graduated or left BYU for one reason or another. We ended up drifting apart and going our separate ways. There are a few of those friends that I keep up with via Facebook, but none of us really maintain constant contact that I know of.

So...Doug, Natalie, Tyler, Ted, Wil, Jared, Irish Mike, Kevin, Bob, Nathan, April, Darrin, Sam, Dave, as well as those of you whose names I've forgotten, If you're out there, I thank you for helping me through my coming out period. I couldn't have done it without you. :)

Happy National Coming Out Day!
-- James