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Friday, January 9, 2015

Emotions are Illogical

On Monday I got up as normal, did my morning routine, and when I went to take my morning pills (allergies and my anti-depressant), I realized that I did not have any more of my anti-depressants. (I call them my crazy pills.) Normally my prescriptions are automatically refilled via my online pharmacy, but I didn't have any more. I made a mental note to check on my refills when I got to work. Well, apparently my prescription had expired. I had an appointment with my doctor a month ago, but I came home that day, took and nap, and forgot to go.

Anyhow, I called up the pharmacy and asked them to request a refill. It's news. I've been off my meds for five days. I've never done that before. I noticed when I was getting ready this morning that my head felt weird. It was hard to describe, but it's like I have these intermittent buzzes that feel like little shocks, but they're not painful. It's weird. I consulted the Internet and discovered that I'm going through antidepressant withdrawal. HAHA These buzzes are call brain zaps. Let me tell you, they're weird. It's almost like that feeling you get when something scares or shocks you. It's not constant, but it's frequent enough that it's annoying. Anyhow, I noticed that I was VERY irritable at work. So irritable, in fact, that I just got up and left for several hours. I had some paperwork that I was waiting for people to come by my office to sign. Instead of waiting for them, I decided to get out of the office and I drove all over the area so I could get their signatures. (I drove about 60 miles today.)

Here's the weirdest part...I came home tonight, made dinner, and turned on my TV to watch some shows I had DVRd from earlier this week. The first show I tried watching was Parenthood. In the last episode, one of the main characters (the father of the whole family) had a heart attack. This episode picks up with him arriving at the hospital, his wife is a wreck, you see the rest of the family getting the news via phone. And I'm laying on the couch sobbing. SOBBING! The ugly whole body was shaking. The man didn't die. He's doing fine. But I was crying. I finally had to turn it off. I decided to watch something neutral, so I watched House Hunters International. This family found their dream house...tears. I'm there on the couch in tears over some family buying a nice house? What the hell is wrong with me? This is seriously not normal behavior. Hey, how about American Idol? That's be good! Nope! Girl comes on, sings her heart out, gets a ticket to Hollywood. Tears...

Finally I gave up and started to clean my house. Got the vacuum out, mopped the floors, I even vacuumed my ceiling fans, which I realize I haven't done since I moved in a year ago. Everything looks good! And I'm not crying! (Although I did get choked up in writing the brief summary about Parenthood.)

Here's the kicker...I'm supposed to go see Selma with some friends tomorrow. Obviously I can't do that because I am NOT going to sob in a public theater. This is completely ridiculous. I am not a crier. Yes, I'll get choked up every now and then when I watch some super sad movie, but I know if I go see that movie tomorrow, I'm going to be sobbing.

I don't know how long it's going to take for my doctor to reply to my refill request. I think I'm going to call tomorrow to see if they can do an emergency refill. I can't do more days of this. I only have so much house to clean!! I have to find something to do to occupy my brain so that I don't get stuck on something that triggers my emotions. Oh to be Mr. Spock...

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