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Saturday, November 1, 2014

What's that in your eye?

A former co-worker of mine (I'll call her Jan) posted this on Facebook earlier today:

Several of her other Facebook friends wrote comments like: "Good riddance", "Don't lose sleep over that one", or "She's not worth being friends with."

I wanted to post a comment to her telling her that she was being a judgmental biotch, but I refrained. I wanted to tell her that she's teaching her children that it's acceptable to criticize someone in a public forum because you don't like their choices or what they say. I wanted to tell her to get over herself, it's just a freaking Halloween costume. I'm sure that there weren't many hobos who are crying themselves to sleep tonight because of the little boy's costume. They're probably more upset that they don't have a home. I didn't post any of that though because my mother always taught me that if I don't have anything nice to say, I shouldn't say it at all. But...I can't let it rest. I AM going to say something, but not to her on Facebook. I'm going to say it here in my blog. You know, behind her back, because my mother also taught me to have manners.

As you can tell, I'm annoyed by Jan's post, and I frequently find I'm annoyed by lots of people's posts and/or comments on sites like Facebook. Why on earth did she think she needed to chide her friend for her son's Halloween costume? Why does she think it's okay to openly criticize and chastise her in a public forum because of a Halloween costume? I'd unfriend her too!

I have found that for some reason, people do this SO MUCH online. They say mean and nasty things to other people that they would never say to a person's face. They also seem to think that it is perfectly fine to correct/chastise others when they perceive they've done something wrong. Yes, yes, I recognize the irony here. When I say "people" I'm including myself, because I've been guilty of it too. Where do we get off thinking this type of behavior is acceptable?

When I started going to my therapist, I mentioned that I felt out of control at times. When someone would say something that I don't agree with, I have to force myself NOT to argue with them about it. I've been better about it in the last year or so once I noticed I was doing it, but I seem to notice it more and more in others, and it just grates on my nerves. Why must we be disagreeable? Why do we have to be so negative and rude? In the past several months I've unfollowed many people on Facebook for their negative and/or rude postings. I haven't said anything to them about it, I've just unfollowed them so that I don't have to be a part of their negativity. Facebook has been a much more pleasant place since I started to unfollow people. I just found myself rolling my eyes so much as the things people would say to or about others that it was making me nuts.

It all goes back to Jesus' lesson about the beam and the mote:
1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye. (Matthew 7:1-5)

I know that it sounds pretty hypocritical that I'm criticizing others for their criticizing of others. I just am tired of seeing it all the time. I'm trying to make a concerted effort to stop doing this. I don't have to correct other people when I perceive them to be wrong. I don't always have to be right. It just doesn't help other people when I do that, and in the end it just alienates me from others.

So I'm going to try to be even better. I have been very good about not getting into arguments with people over things they say. I still have one person at work who is good at pushing my buttons. He is one of those people who just has to take the opposite view no matter what. It is so easy to get into an argument with him because he can be so irritating at times. He thrives on being negative and arguing. I have to constantly remind myself not to fall into his trap. As soon as he starts leading me into an argument I have to find a way to quickly end the conversation. The more negativity I can avoid, the better. :)

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