Last week I had quite the interesting experience. I was attending a conference for work in Los Angeles, and as a part of a program that we are involved in, I had a required meeting to attend. At the beginning of the meeting we all had to stand up and introduce ourselves and say where we worked. During the introductions, one of the people who stood up was a principal from a school in my old district. Later after all of the introductions, the leader felt it would be great if we spent some time working in groups. The best way to divide everyone up was by geographic area, so being that I am in Las Vegas, I got lumped in with the people from California, Utah, and Arizona. I ended up sitting next to that principal.
The funny thing was that as soon as I sat down I got that "I know him" feeling. Now I usually have a very very good memory. Of course that's diminishing a bit now that I'm about to hit 44, but still, I am really good at remembering people. I started talking to the principal, I'll call him Bryan, and I was (so I thought) covertly trying to figure out how I know him. He is a little feminine, and he set off my super powerful Gaydar in a major way. Being that we're relatively close in age, I figured that I knew him from my days at BYU. The conversation was very friendly, and I got the impression that he was trying to figure out who I was too, but about ten minutes into our conversation, he started to become distant. I felt like he was suddenly trying to end the conversation. Finally, he physically turned his back to me and started to focus on another group's conversation. THAT'S when I figured out who he was...he was someone I "knew" when I was a student, and when I say "knew" I mean it in the way that Adam knew Eve. (Just being honest folks!)
As soon as I put this all together I started to think about why he was trying to avoid me, and then I noticed it, on his left hand...a wedding ring. Being the stalker that I am, I quickly Googled him. He's married with two kids.
I can only imagine what was going through his mind. I assume he realized who I was, and being that he is married, he was embarrassed and/or ashamed. I thought about it for the rest of the day, not to relive the experiences we had, but thinking about how our paths led us to such different situations in life. I mean, we all have our own lives to live. We all have to live with our own choices. I just wonder so many things about him. Was he worried I'd out him? Was he worried I'd say something to embarrass him? Does his wife know that he likes men? Is he happy? Is he one of those married men who cheat on their wives with other men?
I've known many gay men who have married women. I know some who were counseled to get married by their Bishops. One of my BYU professors was married to a gay man. He finally divorced her. It was really painful for her. At one point her Bishop in Provo threatened to take away her temple recommend and write BYU to inform them that she was responsible for the divorce because she emasculated her husband which encouraged his homosexuality.
I have a very close friend and colleague, Paul, who I (and everyone else) assumes is gay. He got married about 6 years ago and they now have three kids. He seems happy, but I always wonder. He's never said anything about being gay, but he has a part time job in addition to teaching that has him around many gay men. I assume they all think he's gay too. When we worked together apparently many of the students thought we were a couple because we were such good friends. (The nice kids we taught opened up one of those Facebook Groups where they slammed teachers...a few of them posted it there asking if we were "gay together." Kids...)
I always knew I couldn't marry a woman. I just couldn't. It didn't have anything to do with the sex part of it. I mean, no, I couldn't do that either, but I just couldn't do that to another person. I was never attracted to any girls. If I ever look back at the girls I thought were pretty, it was really because they had a hot brother. I suppose guys like Bryan, Paul, and the many other men out there who like men who are married to women could be bisexual. I'm not one of those gays who believe that bisexuals are just lying to themselves. I am genuinely curious, and in the case of my friend, I'm concerned. I want him to be happy...I really hope he is.
On a lighter note, tomorrow I'm going to the live finale of RuPaul's Drag Race to see my girl, Bianca Del Rio win the crown!
http://www.logotv.com/video/misc/1042882/bianca-delrio.jhtml
1 comment:
Very interesting post. I am curious, like you, as to why the principal distanced himself from you. Too bad that the two of you could not have had a conversation about your lives and how things are. I sincerely hope he is not cheating on his wife and children.
And, the bishop who said he was going to take your friend's temple recommend away because she emasculated her husband and forced the homosexuality? Well, in my opinion, HE should be the one whose recommend should be taken from, and church discipline brought against. That is despicable and appalling what he implied and what he said. I am sorry for your friend.
I enjoy reading your blog. You are an interesting writer. Thank you and happy night. :)
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