My sister and I have always joked about how it's not a true holiday until someone cries, and this Thanksgiving lived up to that.
My parents have been staying at my place for the past few weeks dog sitting for me while I've been in China and Philadelphia for work. Since it was so close to Thanksgiving, we decided to celebrate it at my house this year. My sister and her family weren't able to come down, but my brother flew in on Monday with his fiance. (It was my first time meeting her...she's real nice and I think she'll fit in really well.)
After they arrived on Monday we went out to dinner to my dad's favorite Las Vegas eating establishment...a casino buffet. (Barf!) As we ate we engaged in the usual dinner conversations, chatting about a ton of different topics. During the course of the conversation though, someone mentioned Glenn Beck. First of all, let me explain...my mother LOVES Glenn Beck. She watches everything he does and I honestly think she sees him as some type of prophet. This is odd to me because my mother has never been your typical Molly Mormon/Lemming/follower. She's usually a very good judge of character and doesn't suffer fools. For some reason, she believes everything that comes out of this man's mouth. Now, I'm not a Fox News hater. I'm actually quite conservative, and yes, I voted for Romney, but for some reason, Glenn Beck has always bothered me. I think it's just his delivery...he's over-the-top and he sees a conspiracy in EVERYTHING. Our conversation about Beck only lasted a few minutes, and from what I remember, all that was said that was he over exaggerated everything and sometimes comes off as being a nut. My mom didn't say anything, and she didn't seem to be upset. The rest of the evening went fine. Tuesday was fine. My brother's fiance left that evening to go see her family. Wednesday was fine. My parents, my brother and I went out to dinner. No problems. Well all of a sudden on Thursday morning my mother locks herself in my guest room and won't talk to anyone. My brother says that earlier in the morning when she came down to get some breakfast when my dad said good morning to her and she flipped him off. Then she stormed back upstairs and hid in the room. When it was time to go to dinner I asked if she was going to come with us and she told me that she wasn't going and then she started to cry. I asked her why and she tells me that we humiliated her in front of my brother's fiance and made her out to be a crazy person. I was completely floored. I didn't even know what she was talking about, so I asked, and she would only respond by saying "Glenn Beck." I don't know what happened between Monday evening and Thursday morning, but somehow she worked the entire two minute conversation up in her mind that because my brother and I don't like Glenn Beck that means she's a crazy person and we intentionally brought it up to humiliate her in front of her future daughter in law.
My mother is normally rational, but when she gets upset, the best thing to do is to leave her alone for a while so she can work it out. I bought tickets for her, my brother, and I to attend a show this evening (Saturday). Well, I woke up yesterday morning around 9:00 and found out that she and my father had packed up and returned to Utah. No goodbye...nothing. I'm not an insensitive person, but I am SO PISSED OFF right now. First of all, she completely ruined Thanksgiving and then she just takes off without even saying goodbye because we talked bad about Glenn Beck? Really? GLENN BECK is the reason our Thanksgiving was ruined?
I don't know what the hell is wrong with her, but she did something like this last Christmas. My brother and I said something. Whatever it was, we don't know, but she stopped talking to us and completely ignored us. I talked to my dad about it and mentioned that she may have some problems with depression or something, because this is very unlike her. She suffers from shingles, and the medicine she takes affects her memory, and I think too, her mood/emotions. You can't talk to her about it because she gets defensive, and my dad just tolerates her behavior now. I'm at the point that I have no desire to go home for Christmas for fear that I might say something that will set her off again. Our family is quite sarcastic and not PC at all...including my mother, but the past few years I've noticed her growing more and more sensitive. Now if I go home I have to walk on egg shells for fear that another stupid drama will come up.
I wrote her a long e-mail yesterday telling her that her behavior was uncalled for and it was mean. I told her that I was no longer planning to come home. She responded, but here was her main explanation: "...James, when I was looking at you while you were saying this to me, I felt that it was very clearly written on your face that you were enjoying every second of it. You know that look that people have when they have just told you off good? That's the look I saw." She didn't address the fact that I said I don't feel welcome in her home...nothing. Basically it was a non-apologetic apology.
I haven't canceled my plane tickets yet, but I still have no desire to go home. The problem is I know it'll just cause MORE drama if I don't, but I know that if I do go home things are going to be weird. I really would rather just stay here at home with my dogs. Maybe I'll go somewhere else on my own and have my own little Christmas celebration...
3 comments:
I did not see my family for four years after I moved from Utah to NC. My dad was very angry about the move. The first trip back was extremely stressful - one of the worst experiences of my life. I seriously considered never returning to Utah.
I finally decided that I would not give in to the drama. Meanwhile, dad was put on some other meds and became friendlier. I am glad I did not cut off the trips permanently, but I did need some breaks. Best wishes on which ever decision you make.
That is a rough decision. I'm not sure what I would do, but part of me feels like Mom might deserve a second chance. If you set clear boundaries while still expressing your love, things might be better.
James, this is coming from someone who has been in your shoes. I'm going to be a bit blunt--just know that I know where you're coming from.
Be the big man and go home. But before you do that, call your Mother up and apologize for hurting her feelings. You can explain that you didn't mean to hurt her feelings, but you are sorry that your words hurt her. Even if you feel that she's the one that needs to reach out and apologize, it doesn't matter. Just do it.
You only have one Mother, and she has put up with far more from you in your young life than she ever did to you, yet she stuck by you. Regardless of why she blew up, she deserves your respect, fidelity, and love, for no other reason than that she gave you life.
My mother has hurt me too, and said and done much worse. Once she said if a paint to identify gay people and turn them green could be found, she would use it, round up all the gay people into a concentration camp, and let them give each other AIDS. She said that knowing I was gay. I hated her for that for a while, but I forgave her. She never apologized, and I won't ask her to or bring this up.
Each time something happens, we work to patch things up and be cool with one another again. Give your Mom the respect she deserves and do the same.
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