Sometimes I forget how ingrained my Mormonism is. I haven't attended church in about 10 years, but I'm not angry at the Church, I'm just disappointed. I can't even explain why it is I stopped going. I just did. I guess I started feeling irrelevant there. I am too old to attend a singles ward (where the emphasis is on getting married), so I attended a family ward (where the emphasis was on being a good husband and father). Anyway, I just stopped.
My brother e-mailed me earlier today to tell me that he's engaged. He's the youngest of three in the family, I'm the oldest. My sister got married 18 years ago and has three kids. I'm the only one in the family who hasn't met his fiance. I think he's only mentioned her to me once or twice in the almost 2 years they've been dating. My brother has always secretive about everything, my mom says that he's afraid that I'll make fun of him. (I'm 42, he's 34...aren't we over that stage by now?) Anyhow, here's the thing...she's not LDS. <Cue dramatic music> I remember when my sister told me that he was dating her. It surprised me a little, but he took her up to Utah to meet my parents and my sister and her family sometime last year. Everyone absolutely loves her. My mom says she reminds her of my sister, she has a great sense of humor and fit in perfectly with everyone.
Here's my problem...why was my first thought "He's not getting married in the temple!"? I can't figure out why that was the first thought that came to my mind because apparently no one else in my family seems to think it's that big of a deal. Here's the other thing...I'm not from a typical LDS family. My mom joined the Church when I was 4 and we were living in Germany. My dad never joined the Church. He's never been religious in his entire life. I think his family only went to church for funerals or weddings when he was a kid. So it's not like it's some big deal to our family that someone is married to a non-member. We used to joke that we were only half-Mormon because people would look down on us because my dad never joined the Church. Apparently one time a sister in the ward complained to our bishop that my mom shouldn't be in the Young Women Presidency because she was married to a non-Member. <Eye roll>
And maybe that's my answer right there...I don't want my brother to be treated differently. If my family loves his fiance, that's good enough for me. I'm not worried about her not being LDS, though I know that it did cause quite a bit of conflict with my parents, but there were other issues that had nothing to do with the Church mixed in. I just don't want people to think my brother isn't "a good Mormon" or say things to or about his future kids because of his mother. I don't want to see them go through the Church arguments my parents went through when we were kids.
I do wonder, are they planning to raise the kids in her church (Catholic) or LDS? Will my brother take his children to church each week like my mom did? Is his wife going to take them to mass and catechism (whatever that is)? Will my brother be going to church alone? Have they talked about this stuff? I know it's his life and it's none of my business, but he's still my baby brother, so I'm concerned and worried...and happy for him.
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